Aside from the How to Date a White Woman books and gadget deals on Amazon, there are plenty of funny products that can be found on the site, including, but not limited to, a $39,995 Relaxman Relaxation Capsule, The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China, and more. However, if you really do need tips on how to date a white woman, the product page can be viewed here. Continue reading to see them all.

1. Relaxman Relaxation Capsule

Favorite review:

The Product Description fails to mention a very important issue. When used below the equator, the Relaxman’s negative-ion atmosphere actually becomes a positive-ion atmosphere. Consequently, far from relaxing you, it will only make you angrier and angrier. If a user doesn’t recognize this in time, obviously the results could be tragic.

Product page

2. The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China

Favorite review:

This is so weird. My husband and I were just discussing the 2009-2014 outlook for wood toilet seats in greater China the other day. Now today, here I am surfing Amazon and wouldn’t you know it? The 2009-2014 outlook for wood toilet seats in greater China. I am so happy the price seems reasonable. I’m thinking Amazing Anniversary Present!

Product page.

3. Wolf Urine Lure

Favorite review:

After having purchased The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, I found it made some profound changes in my life for the better: success with women, promotions at work, improved agility and stamina. I thought it only sensible that adding the wolf urine would enhance the effect. Unfortunately it led to some serious side effects. I only used a modest amount, sprayed some on my neck and on my wrists and a little squirt on my Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt. At first nothing seemed to happen, but at the next full moon, I apparently blacked out.

Product page

4. Guardian Angel

Favorite review:

Woke up this morning to find that my Guardian Angel had shattered. The inside was slimy and green. Moments later, heard a skittering sound behind some furniture. Found that during the night, phone lines had been cut, and all the doors and windows are shut with some kind of Super Glue like substance. My cell phone has been smashed. I can’t get out. It didn’t cut the cable internet, so I’ve got online to warn you, don’t buy the guarslkdj;al b bbbbbbbbbbbbbb,,,,,,,,,,,wke;lj

Product page

5. Playmobil Security Check Point

Favorite review:

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger’s shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said “that’s the worst security ever!”. But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.

Product page