Looking for a time machine, personal texting assistant, java googles upsizing, or even a free weather balloon? Craig has an ad for that. Continue reading to see six funny and geeky examples — original postings are linked in title.

1. Personal Texting Assistant

I get 40 – 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.

2. Open Letter To People Selling Old TVs

Can we chat? I want to introduce you to a couple of my friends. First meet my friend Chuck Obsolescence. He’s the guy who tells me that your stuff is out of date and not worth even 10% of what you paid for it 5 years ago. You probably don’t even have HDMI.

3. Supersize Your Car

Car attic. 3’x3’x18″ That’s about 14 cubic ft. for you mathophobics. No leaks. Can be locked with padlocks. Roof racks not required, but it isn’t magic. Clamps to vehicle rain gutters. Look at your vehicle: if you don’t have any place for it to hook on to, it’ll fly – and that’s not what you want! Red Green fans: don’t even think about duck tape.

4. Java Googles Upsizing

The last programmer I hired told me I accidentally deleted all the java googles in my script folder. He was charging me an arm and a leg to fix it. Apparently it all needs to be converted to a Norton Anti-Virus file so it can be searchable with a SEO blog widget, so i have to reprogram the flash or upsize it with PHP.

5. Flawless Business Plan Seeking Teleportation Scientist

We are looking for a very motivated, team-oriented scientist who has experience in teleportation research and/or technology. We will provide patent funding and small stipend. Once technology prototype is developed, the business will take off running- or teleporting!

6. Free Downed Weather Balloon

Over the weekend a weather balloon crashed in my yard. It’s about the size of a winebego and still has a lot of its original aluminum siding in tact, although you might have a tough time using it (I can’t cut or puncture the stuff, even with a blow torch.) Could probably be used as art, maybe.